Monday, August 24, 2009

Palm Sunday

Welcome to BibleLand!

A few announcements and reminders

before we get started.

Serpents have been spotted in the older sections of the park.

Please do not speak to them.

No apple picking.

Parents keep an eye on your children.

The park is not responsible for loss or damage to your eternal soul.

First aid is available in the new section of the park.

Follow signs to the Lazarus tent.

Sins are absolved daily, on the hour, in the Lazarus tent or by visiting

the wandering Jesus (please don’t touch his robes).

Remember you may not enter Sodom & Gomorrah without protective eyewear.

See Park Staff for details.

The Garden of Eden remains closed indefinitely.

Also, expect flooding in certain areas, especially during the rainy season.

For those interested in visiting the Tower of Babel, headsets are available for a small fee.

Kiosks can be found throughout the park.

Don’t forget to drop into our Loaves & Fishes CafĂ©.

It’s all you can eat!!

One last item – the crucifixion has been cancelled today on account of lightning;

however, there will be a stoning later this afternoon. Management is seeking volunteers for this event. Ask your guide for details.

Remember that we have resurrections daily (weather permitting).

Please don’t forget to stop in our gift shop on your way out –

it’s good for the soul.

Ask a salesperson about our frequent visitor rewards program.

Thanks for your patience. We hope you have a divine experience here!

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